Cheater cheater pumpkin eater!

Where did we leave off? Oh, right, I had just gotten back to Midwestern City from Chicago and figured that I wouldn't be kissing anyone for a while. Two days later, I was making babies on the dance floor with my salsa instructor, then exploring his oral cavity (mouth, people, mouth!), then learning that he has a live-in girlfriend.

I learned that lesson when I showed up to his house the next night for a lil pre-party before heading out for more dancing, and his girlfriend opened the door. His girlfriend who is in my salsa class--that he instructs--by the way. Yup. We did the whole, "Oh, hiiiiiii!' and hug thing, and all I could think about was, "Thank the good Lord in whom I don't believe that I brought a friend with me tonight!" There was only one other dude there except for The Couple, so I was thanking TGLIWIDB double! Time to act normal. I walked over to him and said my usual hello, noting the slightest look of nervousness on Salsa Instructor's face as we greeted each other with a hug and a heeyyyy.

A minute of small talk goes by, and I wander into the living room where there's some art on the wall. "Who's the artist?," I ask teasingly, since it's obviously an amateur. Girlfriend: "My kids. There's a picture of them over there." At this point I'm still not tuned into the fact that they are living together; after all, she was nowhere to be seen the night before when we were sipping cocktails at his place between party spots. I am, however, thinking, "Shit, dude, this is pretty goddamn serious if you have pictures ny her kids up on your wall!" 

We make our way over to the couch, and the four of us -- as in, me, my friend, Girlfriend, and random dude -- chat. Salsa Instructor is conspicuously absent. Keeping himself busy in the kitchen, he is. Those snacks that I brought over should not have taken that long to unpack, but whatever. He comes to serve the snacks, but right back out he goes to attend to nothing in the kitchen. He's there (out of sight) doing I don't know what.....for the next 45 minutes? hour? A long fucking time. 

In the meantime, I'm learning all sorts of things! They're going to Indonesia together in a couple of months, and guess what -- her kids are coming along, too! Aw, what a nice, big, happy family! 

WTF, dude? I mean, I'm not into the guy....although I do want to bone him. But I don't want to create enemies in this place where I moved just a year ago. And I'm wondering if he's told her, since she keeps making references to "The crazy night that you guys had last night!" "Yeah, it was fun!", I play along. Whatever.

More people show up. He enters the room, finally. He's at least acting normal. 

I get drunk. I don't mean to, but I do. I shit talk Girlfriend's dancing skills to my friend. I take off my jacket and prance around in a skimpy tank top with my zebra bra straps showing. I talk to him one-on-one a couple of times, and a couple of times Girlfriend comes over to interrupt. 

I don't want to have "a talk" with him. There's really no need. But I do want to communicate, "Dude, I got the message. You've got a girl. That's fine. We barely got to second base anyways. I'm not going to out you. And you better act the fuck cool and not turn awkward on me, because I intend to continue talking salsa lessons from you." I think I communicated that effectively. At least I hope I did.

So the night is a fun one. We end up staying at his place instead of going out to the place we had planned. My friend and I end up at another bar. I make out with another dude and we get yelled at by the bouncer to get out of the staircase. The next morning I put myself into self-imposed makeout slut rehab.

Oh, did I mention that since then all I can think about is sleeping with Salsa Instructor? Yeah. I want it. Badly.

Makeout slut

The first step is admitting that you have a problem, correct? Well, this last week I turned into a bit of a make out slut. Yesterday I entered a self-imposed rehab, and I'm happy to report that last night my tongue did NOT land in anyone's mouth. That was actually my goal for the night. No, I'm serious.

 It all started last weekend, when I road tripped it over to Chicago with some friends from Midwestern City to fete a friend's big and dirty 30. The weekend was a f*ing blast, though I felt less like a human when it was all over since I had seen less than an hour of daylight all weekend. We partied silly.

Friday night I had lost an earring that He had given me for my birthday just a few weeks ago. This was the day after we had a heated Skype-typing debate over an article that recently appeared in HuffPo. He wasn't in my good books. And so, when Dirty Thirty's Chicago friend started putting the moves on me, I rolled with it. And when another guy started doing the same, I rolled with that too. There was a bit of an altercation between the two groups, sure, but no black eyes the next day. The second dude --who was probably barely 21 but so goddamn cute I couldn't take it -- ambush-kissed me out of nowhere while I was asking him to chillax and not deal out black eyes, so that doesn't really count against me.

Chicago Boy and I had a hot and steamy make out session...well, three... in a mini-kitchen of a Veterans of War Club, on his roof (which I think had a great view of the Chicago skyline, though I didn't really get to take it in), in the staircase leading from the roof back to his apartment where all of our friends were, and again in his room, while he was asking me to stay over. Oh, I  guess that's four. But, boys and girls, I'm happy to report that I showed some self-constraint and did not stay the night. That made the taco breakfast that we ate at 3 p.m. the next day more digestible, I'm sure.

I haven't decided what I'm going to do with that. And by that, I mean him. I don't want to date the guy, though he seemed to be treading into that territory ("So, how often do you come into the city?" "You know, sometimes I visit [town close to where I live]"). I think I sent that message loudly and clearly in my text the next day: "Hey. Had fun this weekend. Thanks for showing me a good time. Will give you a ring next time I'm in the city. Take care." To that he wrote back "Had a good time too. Do let me know next time you're in Chicago. Don't hesitate to call or text. Hope to see you soon." We'll see where that goes. At least I have a place to stay when I'm in Chicago now. :-)

So that was nice. Even nicer was making out with my salsa instructor a couple of days later. And then going over to his place the next night for a little pre-party and being greeted at the door by his live-in girlfriend (whoops!). But that's a different story, for a different time...

On a roll....

I can't help it. My salsa teacher is hawt.


And he tastes good too. ;)

Lots to update on...later.

I kissed a boy

                    ...and I liked it.

                         Actually, I kissed two. 

                                       More details to come...

26 things I've learned in 26 years

How does it feel to be [insert age of latest birthday]? It's the typical question you get asked on your birthday, and I usually answer the same way each year: "It doesn't feel much different." But that's not exactly true. Even though I wake up every November 1st feeling much the same as I did the morning prior (well, maybe a tad hungover from the Halloween party the noche before), I'm not the same person. A decade ago, freshly-printed license in hand, I wanted to fast forward to 19 and then stay there forever (19 is the legal drinking age in Ontario). How happy I am that wish didn't come true (my liver couldn't take it)! Each year for the past three years I've felt like, "Ahhhhh, this is it! I've come into my own," only to think the next year, "No, this is it! I've really come into my own." I'm taking that as a positive sign. 

And this year, after 26 years on this planet, I'd like to reflect on a few things I've learned. In no particular order, here they are...

1. It's really not that big of a deal.
2. Everything is more manageable after you get a good night's rest.
3. On those days when you feel totally gross and spend all day thinking about how you should really take a shower, but can't bring yourself to step into the shower ("I won't be seeing anyone today anyways"), just do yourself a favour and take a frickin shower. You'll feel much better about yourself.
4. Vitamin D is the best drug. Period.
5. Silence is a gift.
6. Don't buy the alright-looking jeans just because they're on sale and you could use a pair. Buy the ones that you're totally in love with because they make your ass look fabulous...even if they are out of your budget.
7. You really don't look like an entirely different person without makeup on.
8. Travel whenever you have the opportunity.
9. Let it go.
10. Know when to break the rules. (And when not to.)
11. Talk less; listen more.
12. Busy times are not the times to cut out social activities and exercise. They're the times when you need them the most.
13. You are not a loser if you eat dinner alone at a restaurant or go to the movies solo. You're simply someone who is eating dinner alone or going to the movies solo.
14. Some people are right for you at certain times in your life, and not in others. It's fine to let them go, or let them back in.
15. Just do it.
16. Not everybody is going to like you, no matter how awesome you are. Don't waste time trying to figure out what you're doing wrong.
17. Waiters and customer service representatives are people too.
18. Good food is one of the joys of life. Spend time making it, and sharing it with people.
19. Music is another joy of life. Listen to it often.
20. There's no substitute for family. That said, move out of your parents' house 0as soon as possible. You'll have a better relationship with them if you do.
21. It's cool to be cool, but it's cooler to be nice. 
22. Don't miss the things that matter in order to get that assignment in on time.
23. Humans are inherently creative. It's important to find your creative outlet, whatever it may be.
24. It's liberating to admit your flaws. It even makes you more likable.
25. It's important to have regular conversations with yourself. 
26. Tell the people that you care about that you care about them. Better yet, show them. Do it regularly.