Half-Cocked: Random Brutal Sex Dreamer

....Apparently that's what I am, according to OKCupid.com: a Half-Cocked, Random Brutal Sex Dreamer. I don't know what possessed me to take "The Dating Persona Test." Actually, I do. I just spent the last couple of hours reading Cindy Chupak's "The Between Boyfriends Book", about single life in NYC. I wasn't particularly looking for something like that, but when I noticed it on the shelf of my friendly neighborhood thrift store, I figured it would provide a couple of hours of amusement.

Next thing I know, I'm on OkCupid.com filling out "What kind of dater are you?" No, I didn't create an online dating profile. I have no interest in dating anytime soon, and I especially have no interest in online dating anytime soon. My dating profile confirmed my reluctance to enter into an emotional relationship.......

Half-Cocked: Random Brutal Sex Dreamer

Fiery. Hungry. Blatant. Sexual. Christ. You are Half-Cocked.

There’s a lot of wild lust inside you, banging around, that much is obvious. There’s also a lot of untamed emotion. When either escapes, look out. One minute you’re completely together, the next you’re a howling gale of hormones and opinions.

Outside relationships, your intense, mercurial personality makes you a charmer. You can be fiercely devoted, and it’s likely that many of your friends will be friends-for-life. Of course, your enemies are likewise certain and zealous, especially your exes and their therapists.

You will find the right person. In the short term, he’s someone virile who won’t sweat your imperfections. In the long term, he will be someone mature and caring who will grow to love them.

 OKCupid tells me that my half-cocked self should consider The Playboy: Random Gentle Sex Master (a guy who is "after physical rather than emotional relationships", "move[s] on BEFORE sleeping with her", and has low standards). 

The Billy Goat: Deliberate Brutal Sex Dreamer is also a good match for me, apparently (he's "horny", "stubborn", "kinda cute", "slightly immature" and "often found on rough terrain"....oh and "unready for total commitment", preferring instead to "have a consistent available, preferably not-too-chatty, hookup"). 

I am to expressly avoid The Slow Dancer: Deliberate Gentle Love Dreamer (a guy that is "steady" and "reliable" and whose "focus is love, not sex").

There you have it, folks. In the months ahead I get to look forward to steamy sex with guys that sport cheesy scorpio tattoos...and/or goats. 

Images from OkCupid.com