The numbers game

I don't know what possessed me to give out my number to an Usher look-alike last night, but I did. After refusing no less than four times, I just felt super bad for the guy ("Do you have a pen? I'll at least give you MY number!").  Not to mention that his friends were watching. So I punched in my number and got outta there.

Bad move. Let's tally the damage in the past less-than-24-hours: 

1. A phone call (which I did not pick up), shortly before 3:00 a.m. the night that I met him (and too long after I gave him my number for it to be one of those, "So you have my number too" sort of calls)
2. A text at 3:00 a.m.: "Good nights princess" (which I did not respond to)****Men, please heed this advice: don't call a female who is over 7 years old a princess--unless of course she is actually a veritable princess.
3. A text a minute later "Is my Joel usher" (which I also did not respond to) [Yes, he actually said that. He introduced himself to me as Usher. As should be expected, I laughed in his face. This did not, apparently, deter him.]
4. A phone call (which I again did not pick up) at noon today.
5. And finally a follow up text, which, out of courtesy, I finally responded to, initiating the following exchange.

Usher [8:30 p.m.]: Hey How are you [Rollercoastess]

Me [9:08 p.m.] Hi joel. I'm good, but overloaded with work. It was nice meeting you, but like i said i'm not interested in dating. I'm sure i'll see you out, and it would be nice to dance, but i'm not looking for anything more. Take care.
Usher [9:26 p.m.] Thank you're a beautiful girl but I can be your friends

Me [9:28 p.m.] Glad to hear that. Just wanted to be clear. Thanks and take care.

Usher [9:33 p.m.] Thank you for talking with me

Usher [9:35 p.m.] [Rollercoastess] and you a very petty

Usher [9:36 p.m.] Woman

Okay, so English isn't his first language, but we'll forgive him that. I do hope he meant that I'm pretty and not petty, though. I guess I'll find out next time I see him.

I shared the text exchange with a super duper awesome lady friend, and here's her super duper awesome response:

Maybe you just remind him of someone he once knew

Or maybe he's just tryin' to make love up in the club

Or maybe he just wants to leave the one he's with

To fake Usher's credit, he's not as bad as this dude, whose cringe-worthy 1605-word letter to a date that stopped answering his calls made its way into Jezebel today. Nor is he as bad as either of these two desperate, emotionally unstable psychos (at least she's drunk, but the dude...what's his excuse?).

Gittin' some

Boys and girls, it's time I get laid.

I'm sitting in the library, trying hard to concentrate on my work, and all I can think about is mounting Salsa Instructor. It didn't help my cause that yesterday we talked about other people having sex. It especially didn't help when he was acting out the motions (oh myyyyy!).

It's been four months. And four days. (Yes, that also happens to be my breakup anniversary. Hush now.) The point is that it's been loonnngggg enough.

That said, I'm still at the stage where I'm selective about the men I will bone. (It's only a matter of time before I throw that strategy aside and just bang the first male that says hello.) But for now, I do have some criteria. Those criteria are: You're hot. You're over 25. You're somewhat interesting. Preferably, you can move your hips. Umm, that's it.

Salsa Instructor happens to fulfill all of those criteria, as well as a bonus one: he's not looking for a relationship. In his case, this is because he's already in one. Now before you start calling me a home wrecker, allow me to clarify: I don't plan on banging him. I just want to...really badly.

You'd think that plenty of other people fulfill those criteria, but I'm not so convinced. Criterion 1 (hotness)--and especially criterion 1 in combination with criterion 3 (interestingness)--is difficult to find around these parts.

What this boils down to is the following: I'm cursed to not getting any work done because I spend all day thinking about getting my freak nasty on. It shall be an interesting finals season indeed!