Uneraseable

Given that it's the beginning of a new month, and a few days before I start a new job, and a few more days before I begin yet another semester in school (don't ask me when I'll be finished, extended family member. Assume the answer is the same as the last three Christmases you asked me: I don't really have a clue, but let's say 2016 just to throw a number out there. And yes, extended family member who is now holding his head while shaking it, I know I've been in school for nearly a decade and I should get a job already.) Okay, where was I? Ah, yes, new beginnings, right.

A lil while ago, in the depths of my post breakup haze, I wrote a post on how He gets, basically, a fresh start in a new city, with new friends and I, basically, do not (boohoo). I was somewhere between slightly resentful and a tad jealous when I wrote that post and actually resentful that I was feeling resentful and jealous in the slightest. But since then, I've gotten a bit of perspective, thanks to a wonderful male friend, Male Friend. (Before your mind begins to wander, the emphasis is on friend, not male. It will remain that way.) Male Friend is one of the most intelligent people I know (and I'm surrounded with smartypants), an existentialist who is pleasant to be around, wise beyond his years, and a serious contender for most optimistic pessimist on earth. But again I digress. Male Friend pointed out--very nicely, I should add--that I was completely wrong about my "fresh start" theory. Bullshit, he said. A new apartment, a new city, new friends, but not a fresh start. (And, if you haven't picked up on it already, "fresh start" is my euphemistic way of referring to my erasure from His life--or at least the physical traces of my existence, if not the memories.) What bothered me greatly (and bothered me that it bothered me) was the idea that other people wouldn't know Us--that I would be just an 'ex' like all the rest. And that somehow this wouldn't convey the greatness that was us. That we'd be lumped into the "failed relationship" category.

Male Friend, in his wisdom, pointed out something that now seems rather plain and apparent, but at the time felt like the Copernican Revolution (hello hyperbole!): anyone that gets to know Him will inevitably know about me and us and our one-time greatness. I can't be erased. Our lives were so intertwined, so many experiences and memories shared, that I'll inevitably be present and alive in his "new" life.

That's it. Hardly profound, and yet Male Friend's little comment had quite a profound impact on me (hello again hyperbole!). But, really, it did bring me a certain calm, a peace. It's never felt so good to be wrong.