Project Breaking Sideways

A wonderful ladyfriend brought my attention to an article that was recently published in The Atlantic titled All the Single Ladies (By Kate Bolick). It starts like this:

IN 2001, WHEN I was 28, I broke up with my boyfriend. Allan and I had been together for three years, and there was no good reason to end things. He was (and remains) an exceptional person, intelligent, good-looking, loyal, kind. My friends, many of whom were married or in marriage-track relationships, were bewildered. I was bewildered. To account for my behavior, all I had were two intangible yet undeniable convictions: something was missing; I wasn’t ready to settle down.

....

IN THE MONTHS leading to my breakup with Allan, my problem, as I saw it, lay in wanting two incompatible states of being—autonomy and intimacy—and this struck me as selfish and juvenile; part of growing up, I knew, was making trade-offs. I was too ashamed to confide in anyone, and as far as I could tell, mine was an alien predicament anyhow; apparently women everywhere wanted exactly what I possessed: a good man; a marriage-in-the-making; a “we.” 

I checked the author line again. The details were a bit off, but it was pretty much my story. I had a wonderful guy--someone I could see myself spending my life with--but I was restless. I wanted something else, something different. What exactly I wasn't sure.

As difficult as the immediate aftermath was (exhibit A: posts from the early days in August), I simultaneously felt excited for what was in store: Flirting! Making out with all sorts of boys! Dating! New forms of stimulation (and not just the intellectual kind)! In sum, new experiences.

That was the whole idea of this Project Breaking Upwards thing. But now, nearly four months later (gasp! can it be?), I'm wondering if a more appropriate name for this blog would be Project Breaking Sideways. Sure, I need time for myself. And yes, I'm super duper busy with work-related things. But really, at the bottom of it, I'm not letting myself move on. And I've convinced myself that what I'm doing is perfectly fine. I'm perplexed when people find it odd that I'm considering joining Him in Guatemala over Christmas or talking about taking a vacation together next summer. And I was pretty stumped when my girlfriends responded with a shocked, "Wait, whattttt?", when I told them that last week we exchanged gifts on our would-be anniversary ("Well, I mean, they weren't that sentimental. It was just a little something.")

Thing is...I don't have much of a desire to change right now. I like how things are.  So does He. So I think I'm going to follow this (necessary?) detour sideways for a lil while...