Monday, October 31, 2011

New obsession


You really shouldn't read my current state of mind into this post. The tune is simply too good not to share. (And you won't find me saying that often about Rihanna.)







Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Wanderlust-ing

So, I won't be going down to Gautemala with Him over the winter break.

...we might, however, be traveling through South America together next summer.

I'll be kind and rewind: 
As you know, both Him and His Maman invited me, on several occasions, to come to Guatemala over the winter break (yes, post breakup). I was holding off on the decision, and holding off, and holding off. Then, just a few days ago, He shared the most recent news: His brother would be coming to Guatemala over the break, too. This little bit of information effectively made the decision for me. My immediate thought, which I managed to verbally suppress (yay! I'm an adult!) was, "Hey, wait a minute! What about me coming down to visit?" We revisited the conversation today, and kinda together decided that it'll probably work out best if I don't come down over the holidays, leave them to their brotherly/family bonding...and perhaps join Him in the summertime, and together visit His Maman somewhere on the continent to the south of ours. 

I'm still very much processing this information, which came up about ten minutes ago. Bear with me, and this diary-like post. 

I guess my first reaction was excitement. I've been to Central America and the Caribbean, but not yet South America--and I want to, badly. And duh I want to see Him. We're not finished. But oh yeah, I've got weddings and a preliminary exam next summer and can't just follow my wanderlusty instincts...But whoaaa that'll be possibly a full year since we last saw each other. A YEAR! And sure my 25-year-old self now knows what my 5-year-old self did not: a year really isn't that long of a time..........except it kinda IS when it refers to the amount of time that I will not have seen Him in person.

As I've been doing up until now, I plan to figure it out once I get there. 

For now, I'm letting my biggest headache be figuring out what I want to do with my five weeks off over winter break! Do I hear the West Coast calling?



Monday, October 24, 2011

Project Breaking Sideways

A wonderful ladyfriend brought my attention to an article that was recently published in The Atlantic titled All the Single Ladies (By Kate Bolick). It starts like this:
IN 2001, WHEN I was 28, I broke up with my boyfriend. Allan and I had been together for three years, and there was no good reason to end things. He was (and remains) an exceptional person, intelligent, good-looking, loyal, kind. My friends, many of whom were married or in marriage-track relationships, were bewildered. I was bewildered. To account for my behavior, all I had were two intangible yet undeniable convictions: something was missing; I wasn’t ready to settle down.
....
IN THE MONTHS leading to my breakup with Allan, my problem, as I saw it, lay in wanting two incompatible states of being—autonomy and intimacy—and this struck me as selfish and juvenile; part of growing up, I knew, was making trade-offs. I was too ashamed to confide in anyone, and as far as I could tell, mine was an alien predicament anyhow; apparently women everywhere wanted exactly what I possessed: a good man; a marriage-in-the-making; a “we.” 

I checked the author line again. The details were a bit off, but it was pretty much my story. I had a wonderful guy--someone I could see myself spending my life with--but I was restless. I wanted something else, something different. What exactly I wasn't sure.

As difficult as the immediate aftermath was (exhibit A: posts from the early days in August), I simultaneously felt excited for what was in store: Flirting! Making out with all sorts of boys! Dating! New forms of stimulation (and not just the intellectual kind)! In sum, new experiences.

That was the whole idea of this Project Breaking Upwards thing. But now, nearly four months later (gasp! can it be?), I'm wondering if a more appropriate name for this blog would be Project Breaking Sideways. Sure, I need time for myself. And yes, I'm super duper busy with work-related things. But really, at the bottom of it, I'm not letting myself move on. And I've convinced myself that what I'm doing is perfectly fine. I'm perplexed when people find it odd that I'm considering joining Him in Guatemala over Christmas or talking about taking a vacation together next summer. And I was pretty stumped when my girlfriends responded with a shocked, "Wait, whattttt?", when I told them that last week we exchanged gifts on our would-be anniversary ("Well, I mean, they weren't that sentimental. It was just a little something.")


Thing is...I don't have much of a desire to change right now. I like how things are.  So does He. So I think I'm going to follow this (necessary?) detour sideways for a lil while...





Saturday, October 15, 2011

Girls nights always do the trick

I'm alive. And busy from morning to night, which is why I haven't said hello. Forgive me, please, and accept my belated "hello!"

It has been a hectic week indeed, but last night I recharged my batteries with a good 'ol girls night--much needed and long overdue. Four of us ladyfriends got together over tasty food and tastier pitchers of wine (can you say favorite restaurant in town?). We set one rule for the night: no talking about work unless it's something fabulous. And because I have fabulous ladyfriends, there was plenty of fabulousness to chat about. As we were swapping most embarrassing poop stories (surprise: our conversation didn't revolve around boys or babies!), I looked around at these highly intelligent and accomplished, beautiful, and just plain awesome women and realized how grateful I am to have each of them in my life. Just over a year ago I didn't know any of them. And now here we were talking about dream careers and pubic hair preferences and raising our glasses to remaining in each other's lives for years and years to come.

I thought back to the early days of August, when I first returned to Midwestern City and everything around me appeared so bleak, so unexciting. "I don't want to be here," I would repeat to myself, and entertain the thought of picking up and moving to San Francisco or Mexico or just about anywhere. Now, just two months later, I'm finding myself thoroughly happy in just about all areas of my life. Things are on track. I'm excited about the future, but also what I'm doing right now. And in moments when the excitement fades, I've got wonderful ladyfriends--both near and far--to jolt me back on track.




Friday, October 7, 2011

Whatever happened with Teenage Heartthrob, you ask?

Let's just say I've been eating out a lot more lately. I'm not exactly avoiding the grocery store where he works. Just kinda.

Since our pseudo-date, we've run into each other a few more times. He always looks heartthrobby, and I'm usually dripping with post-yoga sweat and mentally repeating the following mantra while approaching his cash, "I will not be a Mrs. Robinson. I will not be a Mrs. Robinson. I will not be a Mrs. Robinson."

Our conversations were friendly, and I felt like we were out of the danger zone (the twine was not a declaration of like!). But then we stumbled into pseudo territory again last week, when he casually asked, "How do you feel about more bike rides? The group has started to ride Thursday nights now." Looking back, this clearly seems like a "Do you want to hang out again?" query. But, of course, I didn't interpret it as such in the moment, because I'm a little obtuse about these sorts of things, and only realize that I'm being asked out (or pseudo asked out) half an hour after the fact. In any case, I put the final nail in the coffin with this response, "Thursday nights? Umm, I don't think that'll work. I  started taking this class that meets Thursday nights, and, so..."

So that's that, I think. I haven't been back to the grocery store since. And I'm getting sick of eating oatmeal.



Sunday, October 2, 2011

You know when...

...your mom comes to visit for the weekend (for the first time since you moved to Midwestern City), and she brings along her digital camera, and has stored on it pictures of you and Him from last summer, and last Christmas, and all the times the two of you have visited her this past year? Uh, yeah. djfladk;lkj;iaj;oieja;klemndkndlk;ld;ak!!^#$#@

Here's the upside: I haven't touched a dish all weekend, and my growing pile of recycling magically disappeared.