I'm going to be alone forever (wimper)

Sure I was utterly embarrassed after turning into Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm Flailing Tube Woman the last time I saw Teenage Heartthrob (if you missed that one, read about it here). But I found some comfort and relief in the thought that said embarrassing moment likely marked the peak of my dorkiness, and it would be hard to make more of a fool of myself in front of him...at least for the rest of the week. Errrrrrrrrrr. (That's my imitation of the annoying buzzer that goes off on gameshows like Family Feud to indicate--rather obnoxiously, I might add--that you are wrong.)

Earlier tonight, I arrived home starving from a late night yoga class in which I sweated my balls off, and I realized that I'd have to venture out to procure food. Luckily, the grocery store [at which Heartthrob works] is on my block. I popped in about 15 minutes before close. I meant to pop in 45 minutes before close, but it took me 30 minutes to pick out an outfit that would give the impression that I wasn't trying too hard and that would match my I-just-stepped-out-of-the-shower hair, which had turned into awkward-between-wet-and-dry hair (meaning all the dry parts were frizzy) because it took me so long to pick out an outfit (so, obviously I re-wet it to make it look like I actually just stepped out of the shower).

So I fill up my wee basket with kale and arugula and plain kefir and black bean hummus and oatmeal bread (I told you I'm going to fit into my regular pants...and soon), and I make my way over to the check out. Oh no, three cashiers are open, and Teenage Heartthrob is in the middle. And none of them have customers. I slow down to give the girl pushing the cart in front of me the opportunity to go to the closest available cashier, but she heads, instead, for the cereal aisle. Doh! But, luckily, he turns around and sees me and smiles and says hi. The hi that's an invitation to come to his cash. Oh, don't mind if I do! Especially not tonight. Tonight, he looks especially good. He graduated from teenage-heartthrob-cute to I-would-let-you-get-away-with-eating-crackers-in-my-bed-hot. 

TH: "So, what are you up to?" 

Me: "Umm, you know, [I knock over my bottle of kefir], umm...[4 second pause]...It's raining outside."

TH: "Really? It's raining outside? Oh no, I didn't put a cover on my bike seat." [He gets points for playing along.]

Me: "Oh. [Stupid comment that was so stupid that I have willfully forgotten it.] You know, it's just today was one of those days. I didn't do anything, and I should be doing things."

TH: [looks confused, but smiles at me with that heartthrobby smile of his.]

Me: "So, tonight I plan to begin to get motivated so that I can do some work tomorrow. [pause] .... I should've just said 'good'."

TH: "Debit or credit?"

Me: "Credit. Um, but how are YOU?"

We go on to talk about his busy schedule, how many hours he works, his school, etc. I'm not being as efficient as usual loading my groceries into my bag, so, look at that, we can keep chatting. Wait, what's happening? Young female unloading your muesli on his conveyor belt, what are you doing? Bitch, can't you see we're talking? I mean, really now. There are like two other cashiers twiddling their thumbs on either side of you.

"Okay, well, have a good night, " I manage, and bolt for the door. But the door, which is supposed to be automatic, doesn't open for me right away. So, in an effort to trigger the automized sensor, I start flailing my arms like Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm Flailing Tube Woman yet AGAIN.


Clearly, I'm going to be alone forever.