I think I got asked out on a date

I mean, I'm not sure.

It's this (cute) guy that works at my grocery store. I go in at least a couple of times a week, and we chat while he checks me out (as in rings up my groceries, not as in ravishes me with his eyes). He's one of those teenage heartthrob types, with boyish good looks, sexy disheveled hair, and a smile that dares you not to smile back. I could never decide whether he was flirting with me or just that super-cute-smiley-guy--and, frankly, I didn't really concern myself with the question, for I was in a loving relationship.

Still yummy.

I think it was Day 2 or Day 3. I realized that I couldn't survive on hot lemon water for long, so I forced myself out of the house and headed to the grocery store, hoping I wouldn't see anyone I knew. And then I saw him. Oh yeah, I forgot that he existed! Apparently he was surprised to see me, too. A big grin came over his face, he momentarily ignored the customer who was asking him something, and he said, "Look who it is, 20 years later!" I suppose I didn't mention to him that I'd be away for over two months. But why would I?

So, between questions like "What's your member number?", "Credit or debit?", "Do you need a bag?", we talked about what we did this summer. I found myself (my no makeup, red-eyed, frizzy haired self) smiling at this boy that stood before me, and thinking, "I don't remember you being this cute." I asked if he'd been biking much. Stupid question, right? Thing is, I didn't know all that much about him, but one of the only things I did know was that he had been in a few races in the spring. And that's when he casually mentioned a bike event that'd be happening sometime the following week, adding "You should come. It's fun." He didn't have the details, so he said he'd let me know more the next time I came in.

In the meantime, I discovered that my friend who I leant my bike key to was out of town and there was no way of freeing my bike from my front porch. Problem solved: I couldn't go. That's the worst excuse ever, right? I'm not sure that he was fully convinced when I told him the words clumsily stumbled out of my mouth. Especially because I was carrying my bike helmet (you get 5% off your purchase). Doh!

My (Pre-)teen heartthrob #2

"There's always next time," he said (or I imagined, in my state of utter embarrassment after being caught scamming his store.....Me: "Oh, right, I have my helmet...This is illegal, right?" Teenage Heartthrob: "Yeah. Usually I'd get mad, but I'm not mad." Me: "But, I walked. And the whole point is to encourage people not to drive, right?", I reasoned.....aloud....thus making myself look like an immoral, fumbling idiot).


But anywayssssss. The point is that accepting the date (was it even a date?...this isn't a rhetorical question) was never an option. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't. But now that I can, I have to figure out if I want to.

Which brings me to the question: After a serious relationship has ended, how long do you wait before you start dating? or simply screwing? Of course, there's no formula (well, there probably is a formula, somewhere out there on the Internet). The answer is probably "when you feel ready." But I'm not sure you ever feel ready. You just gotta do it, and pity the poor soul that's unfortunate enough to be the first date/fuck/relationship after him. As my good friend said to me the other day, "I don't believe you can really get over someone until you meet someone else."

This just seems so wrong now.
I wasn't even a pre-teen.

I'm inclined to agree with her, but I don't want to meet anyone else right now...at least I don't think I do. I definitely don't want to jump into another relationship--that much I know for sure (and that much was confirmed by The Dating Persona Test)--but what about something more casual? Like a hot body to rub up against and maybe watch the occasional movie with?

Let's get things straight. I'm not looking to start dating. I do not plan on actively pursuing possibilities that could lead to dating. I certainly don't plan on strapping on a pair of heels and hitting da dance floor, and I definitely don't plan on signing up to some online dating service. But, if I were to be asked out, by Teenage Heartthrob or any other attractive male specimen, what then? Decline (more gracefully, hopefully), or see where it goes? (Again, that is not a rhetorical question.)

(Let me pause to say that I don't think I need to answer this question anytime soon. I'm pretty sure Teenage Heartthrob is either a) turned off, or b) thinks that I blew him off with a lame excuse and has resolved not to ask me to join him for any extra-curricular activities.)

And, even if I do feel ready to grab a drink with someone, and maybe later have him put out the fire of my burning loins, there's something else to consider... His feelings (no, not the one that you're screwing (oh, puns, how I enjoy thee!)). I would be totally devastated if I found out that a mere few weeks after our relationship ended, He was playing firefighter with another girl. Or even sharing a cocktail with her. (Let's recap: our breakup was a mutual decision; we'd dated seriously for nearly five years; we were really happy and in love for just about our entire relationship.) So, there's the respect for the former partner thing to consider, too.

But how long do I allow my loins to burn? And how long until I can start dating without feeling guilty about it?

Help!